I’m working on a list of corporate jargon alternatives. There are already plenty of resources telling you what you should be saying instead, such as “soon” for “ASAP” or “waiting” for “holding pattern” and the like. But they usually lack that flair of ostentation we have come to be accustomed to. Therefore, I had the idea of coming up with equally swanky alternatives from English of a bygone era. Below is a smattering of words found in the original Webster’s dictionary, some Biblical language, and any other random old-sounding expression I could think of.
Out of an abundance of caution, we have ordered all facilities to remain closed until further notice.
In the spirit of due circumspection, we do hereby order that all premises be shut till we give word to the contrary.
I will get that to you ASAP.
I will give it thee betimes.
Let’s meet in the conference room for a brain dump.
Let us meet in the conference room for a full exposition.
Leadership requires being a change agent.
A great leader is the efficient cause of many things.
I will check on that and circle back with you.
I will investigate the matter and bring thee word again.
We’re in a holding pattern until we hear from accounts receivable.
We are keeping watch till accounts receivable give answer.
Hypothetically, our assets are available 24/7.
Put the case that our assets are available all the day long.
We need to lean in to modern solutions.
We must assiduously apply modern solutions.
We’re not married to that idea.
We are fettered not by that proposal.
This is our new normal.
Of such is our new state of affairs.
Open communication is the key to success.
Regular intercourse is the key to success.
Our ability to pivot will be critical.
Lest we repent this foregone plan, we shall meet ruin.
We streamlined all our processes for maximum profitability.
We simplified our business unto greater profits.